Mood:Mellow
Song of Choice: "Last Resort" by Papa Roach
Topic: Icy Princess
Days That Have Passed Since I sent Eric's Letter: 12 Weeks and 4 days
Like the Layout? New for May the Prisoner in my own life layout...yeah you know you've all felt that way. No I'm not sad or in a bad mood just a little...hmmm...I don't know...floating or as someone once said--Lost.
I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday night and he asked me about myself a little. I told him I use to be a good person now I wasn't so sure. He asked why I told him I was mean and cold and he said he knew better than to believe this.
So here is an example of my frigidness...I wrote it over break to the people here. The Kim the people of Columbus know is not the same Kim of Hinnesville. Columbus Kim is warm and smily but here she is not unless she is talking with someone close to her. But this is a note I wrote to all the people I have close to me here in Hinnesville.
At Least For Today Right?
Hey this is a copy of a letter written to several people…an essay if you will something that most people won’t understand. You know me don’t you? As a friend, as a classmate, as the quiet melancholy girl that sits inside her own head while the rest of the world plays its games…but I know you too. You’ve told me your stories, not all mind you, but many none the less. Why? I couldn’t begin to know—maybe because you saw a little bit of me in you or something you lost once upon a time. Most of your stories are sad…I’m sorry if I could rewrite them I would and make them happy but I’m only me, I can’t. I didn’t realize how much hurt there was centered in one place until today.
I have this bad habit of wearing the same jeans more then once at a given time before doing wash. You guys make think it’s weird but hell I only have 4 pairs of jeans that aren’t too short…another reason I wear boots makes my pants look longer then they are spares people making fun of me. Anyway today I decided to do wash and well doing that requires me to empty out my pockets. To say the least I didn’t realize how much mail I got in a week. So I sat down outside (my washing machine is right next to my door so outside and my stools are all of 5 steps away) and reread what everyone had wrote me. In the fleeting sun the brightness and shadows set the perfect mood to reflect on all of your stories…all of your trials and tribulations…all your hopes and dreams…all your ups and downs.
The words flowed from the paper to my memory once more making me remember things that had taken a back seat to what was going on at the present. Talks sitting side by side in front of computer screens, phone calls, pleads, Instant Messages, hour-long car rides to Savannah, talks in tears at bus stops, so much pain. Each one of you has played the sad song of your heart to me and I’ve listened and taken pieces of it to add to my own. I realized that everyone is just like me more or less.
Each of you has had your rough time…be it family problems, bad relationships, or just bad circumstance you’ve all seen the world through the dirty glass. But why is it that all of you have somehow told me? Why me the outsider? The loner? What makes me deserve this honor filled injury? What makes me worthy to hear your story but no one else? You all know each other some since you were kids…but I doubt that any of you know the story of the other. It’s odd hearing someone tell you about their hard times and realizing that they are much like yours hearing the same words only different names and places…what’s even more odd is when you hear it more than once or twice.
This isn’t a complaint not by a long shot…I don’t complain often but when I do you’ll know it. This is a reminder…that hey you aren’t alone in your angst. That you’re not the only person that’s been put down, thrown out, cut deep by someone you loved, trusted someone you shouldn’t have, been betrayed, been hurt. You aren’t on your own you know? I’m here and I can tell you straight up about 5 other people you see everyday are too. You don’t have to know them…you don’t even have to talk to them…just draw strength in the fact that day in day out they keep showing up…draw strength from the fact that I show up too. Don’t think you’re the only one that fakes a smile…cause you’re not. But don’t think you’re the only one that draws anything out of whatever it is you and me have either.
Knowing who I’m writing to…I can say that I can’t call you my friends…that term is cheap…cheerleaders use it then stab each other in the back…we’re not friends at all. We’re something more…maybe we all knew each other once upon a time I couldn’t say but…we’re close. Not so close that I couldn’t up and leave you at the drop of a hat but that’s the way any good friendship is I guess I’m here when you need me but don’t plan for me to be here tomorrow. I know that may sound unfair to some of you but hey that’s the way I work. I’m here now guys you never know when the tomorrow will come when I don’t show up anymore. But I can say this…if tomorrow was that fluke fated tomorrow where I didn’t come back…it would hurt because even though most of you are held at arms length…that’s too close already. So yes…
You’re not alone…you got me…for now…for the present…someone to listen and care and help if I can and if I can’t…hell then at least I want to help…I just can’t you know…beyond that I can’t guarantee anything…but then you guys can’t either right? Not that I expect you to I don’t expect anything from anyone except the truth—which is what I give you now. So yeah keep this in your wallet…your purse…frame it for all I care just keep it close for when you need it okay? For those days when you gotta fake that smile when you’re hurt on the inside. For those days you just push people away…for those days when you wish it would all just stop…remember you aren’t alone in your angst…and you got me…at least for today right?
Kim
Song of Choice: "Last Resort" by Papa Roach
Topic: Icy Princess
Days That Have Passed Since I sent Eric's Letter: 12 Weeks and 4 days
Like the Layout? New for May the Prisoner in my own life layout...yeah you know you've all felt that way. No I'm not sad or in a bad mood just a little...hmmm...I don't know...floating or as someone once said--Lost.
I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday night and he asked me about myself a little. I told him I use to be a good person now I wasn't so sure. He asked why I told him I was mean and cold and he said he knew better than to believe this.
So here is an example of my frigidness...I wrote it over break to the people here. The Kim the people of Columbus know is not the same Kim of Hinnesville. Columbus Kim is warm and smily but here she is not unless she is talking with someone close to her. But this is a note I wrote to all the people I have close to me here in Hinnesville.
Hey this is a copy of a letter written to several people…an essay if you will something that most people won’t understand. You know me don’t you? As a friend, as a classmate, as the quiet melancholy girl that sits inside her own head while the rest of the world plays its games…but I know you too. You’ve told me your stories, not all mind you, but many none the less. Why? I couldn’t begin to know—maybe because you saw a little bit of me in you or something you lost once upon a time. Most of your stories are sad…I’m sorry if I could rewrite them I would and make them happy but I’m only me, I can’t. I didn’t realize how much hurt there was centered in one place until today.
I have this bad habit of wearing the same jeans more then once at a given time before doing wash. You guys make think it’s weird but hell I only have 4 pairs of jeans that aren’t too short…another reason I wear boots makes my pants look longer then they are spares people making fun of me. Anyway today I decided to do wash and well doing that requires me to empty out my pockets. To say the least I didn’t realize how much mail I got in a week. So I sat down outside (my washing machine is right next to my door so outside and my stools are all of 5 steps away) and reread what everyone had wrote me. In the fleeting sun the brightness and shadows set the perfect mood to reflect on all of your stories…all of your trials and tribulations…all your hopes and dreams…all your ups and downs.
The words flowed from the paper to my memory once more making me remember things that had taken a back seat to what was going on at the present. Talks sitting side by side in front of computer screens, phone calls, pleads, Instant Messages, hour-long car rides to Savannah, talks in tears at bus stops, so much pain. Each one of you has played the sad song of your heart to me and I’ve listened and taken pieces of it to add to my own. I realized that everyone is just like me more or less.
Each of you has had your rough time…be it family problems, bad relationships, or just bad circumstance you’ve all seen the world through the dirty glass. But why is it that all of you have somehow told me? Why me the outsider? The loner? What makes me deserve this honor filled injury? What makes me worthy to hear your story but no one else? You all know each other some since you were kids…but I doubt that any of you know the story of the other. It’s odd hearing someone tell you about their hard times and realizing that they are much like yours hearing the same words only different names and places…what’s even more odd is when you hear it more than once or twice.
This isn’t a complaint not by a long shot…I don’t complain often but when I do you’ll know it. This is a reminder…that hey you aren’t alone in your angst. That you’re not the only person that’s been put down, thrown out, cut deep by someone you loved, trusted someone you shouldn’t have, been betrayed, been hurt. You aren’t on your own you know? I’m here and I can tell you straight up about 5 other people you see everyday are too. You don’t have to know them…you don’t even have to talk to them…just draw strength in the fact that day in day out they keep showing up…draw strength from the fact that I show up too. Don’t think you’re the only one that fakes a smile…cause you’re not. But don’t think you’re the only one that draws anything out of whatever it is you and me have either.
Knowing who I’m writing to…I can say that I can’t call you my friends…that term is cheap…cheerleaders use it then stab each other in the back…we’re not friends at all. We’re something more…maybe we all knew each other once upon a time I couldn’t say but…we’re close. Not so close that I couldn’t up and leave you at the drop of a hat but that’s the way any good friendship is I guess I’m here when you need me but don’t plan for me to be here tomorrow. I know that may sound unfair to some of you but hey that’s the way I work. I’m here now guys you never know when the tomorrow will come when I don’t show up anymore. But I can say this…if tomorrow was that fluke fated tomorrow where I didn’t come back…it would hurt because even though most of you are held at arms length…that’s too close already. So yes…
You’re not alone…you got me…for now…for the present…someone to listen and care and help if I can and if I can’t…hell then at least I want to help…I just can’t you know…beyond that I can’t guarantee anything…but then you guys can’t either right? Not that I expect you to I don’t expect anything from anyone except the truth—which is what I give you now. So yeah keep this in your wallet…your purse…frame it for all I care just keep it close for when you need it okay? For those days when you gotta fake that smile when you’re hurt on the inside. For those days you just push people away…for those days when you wish it would all just stop…remember you aren’t alone in your angst…and you got me…at least for today right?
Kim
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